The Speeches


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Dearest Michelle, Ben and everybody,

As grandmothers are known to do,
I'd like to say a word or two;
Otherwise none of you would know
That I adore my Michelle so.
When I look at you it makes me happy –
Even more now than when you wore a nappy!
When on the phone your voice I hear,
It sounds like music in my ear.
It's Heaven when you visit me
And sit with me on the settee,
Talking about whatever comes to mind.
On top of that, you are so kind -
You bring me meals and chocolates, too –
The nice hard ones I like to chew.
Teeth break, so then the dental chappie
Is also made extremely happy!

I always assessed the boys you chose -
And there were quite a few of those!
Although I kept my big mouth shut,
I always thought "Nice fellow, BUT . . ."
Then I met Ben and straight away
I thought "Hope this one's here to stay."
Not only is Ben your perfect man;
I'm fond of all the Webster clan.
I'm so glad Opa got to know
Your husband, whom we all love so.

Now my only worry is
There's nothing that could go amiss,
'Cause when, aged two, you came to dinner,
The meal I served was not a winner.
"Would you like something else, Michelle?"
I asked, and I remember well
How much you loved the substitute –
You thought it tasted really beaut!
The trouble was, I then forgot
Just what it was that hit the spot.

So every time you came to eat,
"I want something else" you would repeat!
But really, for the life of me,
I never knew what it could be.
Remember it I just could not,
And it was some time till you forgot.
Now you have Ben, so for Heaven's sake,
I hope "someone else" you'll never take,
Because - and do not think I jest –
His bear hugs I like the very best!

And now, Ben, I just have to ask
If you're up to a simple task:
Do you think you have the poise
To imitate most animals' noise?
Michelle, when young, thought it a feast
When her Opa mimicked every beast,
So when your new wife tells you "cow"
You certainly shouldn't say "miaow"!
One more thing, Ben, I have to say:
When a red traffic light is on display,
Just ignore it – drive straight through –
That's what Shel wants you to do.
When she was 2 and we drove to the shop,
The traffic lights forced us to stop.
What she then said was quite profane:
"Oh, shit: the lights are red again!"

There are countless stories I could tell
About my wonderful Michelle,
But now I'd also like to hear
Some tales about my grandson dear.

It just remains to wish you two
Great happiness your whole life through;
Good health, good times at work and play.
And now, please join me when I say:
"Three cheers for them: HIP, HIP, HOORAY!"